Letters to You: August 17, 2025
STFU Helen!!!
Dear You (with that fucking voice in your head),
A lot of women I know are walking around with a very loud, very rude roommate in their heads. She’s critical. She’s judgy. She’s got opinions about your parenting, your thighs, your credit card statement, your dinner, your hair (especially your hair)—and she is never in a good mood.
Mine showed up this morning when I was about to confirm a hair appointment. I haven’t had a haircut in six months. My ends are basically straw. And still, this inner voice—let’s call her Helen—popped up with:
“Should you really be spending money on yourself right now?”
I blinked. I sighed. I almost canceled. Because apparently, taking care of my actual head is…selfish?
It’s wild, truly. We’ll walk around bone-tired, under-touched, over-scheduled, spiritually crispy—and still feel guilty for getting some highlights, trim and a scalp massage.
WHY ARE WE LIKE THIS?!
Here’s the thing. Somewhere along the way, we picked up the idea that taking care of ourselves should feel like a courtroom drama.
You must present the evidence:
You’ve been “good.”
You haven’t overspent.
You’ve worked hard.
Your kids are alive.
Then, and only then, can you book that facial. But no extras. That would be pushing it. Bullshit!!!
Taking care of yourself shouldn’t require opening and closing arguments in your head. But here’s the real kicker. Even when we do make space for self-care, we often don’t enjoy it. We sit in the pedicure chair thinking about dinner. We go to Pilates and wonder who is looking for us on Slack. We get a massage and apologize for being tense.
We. APOLOGIZE. For being tense!
You can’t make this stuff up.
So here’s my offer to you:
Let’s just stop listening to that roommate. Or at least, let’s recognize that her taste is trash and her credentials are fake. She’s not a therapist. She’s not your mom. She’s not even helpful. She’s just been living in your head rent-free, and frankly? She needs to go.
Confidence doesn’t mean you never doubt yourself. It means you know who not to listen to.
When Helen tells you, “You don’t need that haircut,” you can say, “Thanks for your input, H, but kindly fuck right off!”
When she whispers, “You’re being selfish,” you can smile and say, “Actually, I’m treating myself well. You should try it sometime.”
Here’s your reminder, straight from the airplane safety manual:
Put on your own oxygen mask first.
Breathe.
Take care.
And maybe even…enjoy it.
Because self-care isn’t selfish.
It’s survival.
And you deserve to feel good in your body, your home, your choices—without having to mentally fight off a snarky conscience every time you do.
So the next time that voice pipes up, try saying this:
“STFU, Helen! I’m out here killing it!”
If this resonates with you hit reply and tell me about it. Your story matters.
